What Really Matters
by kawaiigami
Summary: Axel wonders if this is all a good idea. Sequel to "Worth a Thousand Words." Rated for language and mild sexual content.


Written for the LJ community springkink.

**Disclaimer**: We all know what happens to people that try to claim characters that don't belong to them--Axel introduces them to his good friend, fire.

* * *

What Really Matters

Considering the way they started out, Axel wasn't surprised that he and Roxas ended up taking things slowly. Hell, it had taken them a whole semester to get to a first kiss; why shouldn't it take time for them to get to "the good part" (as one of his fellow theatre majors put it). Normally Axel was all for picking up the speed as soon as mutual interest had been established, but Roxas apparently wasn't. Ergo, they went slow.

Not that they hadn't made any progress in the physical department. Roxas might not have been much of one for PDA—the most he'd let Axel get away with in public was an arm around the shoulders—but he'd loosen up when it was just them. Axel shamelessly took advantage of the fact that Roxas liked to curl up against him when they watched DVDs together and seemed to enjoy kissing/make out sessions despite the fact that he hardly ever started them. The problem was that Axel didn't want to go any further without permission and any way he could think of to bring up the subject seemed damn pushy. Roxas himself was noticeably silent on the subject, and Axel figured it was probably best to let him be the first one to say anything.

That was the situation as Axel put it to Demyx one day not long after spring break as they sat at the Starbucks near campus. Demyx looked surprised for a moment, then grinned. "You're serious about him, aren't you?"

Axel scowled. "So what if I am?" He moved to stand up, but Demyx grabbed his arm, forcing him to stay put for the moment.

"I didn't say that was a bad thing."

xXxXx

On his way home afterwards, Axel mulled the idea over in his head. Demyx might have thought it wasn't a bad thing to be serious about Roxas, but Axel wasn't convinced it was a good thing either. After all, it meant that there was more at risk. If the whole thing worked out, fine—they stayed together, all that happy ending, fairy-tale like shit. If it didn't, well…Axel had the feeling that Roxas wouldn't stick around if it didn't, and he'd lose someone who wasn't just a person to fool around with, but probably one of the best friends he had. Which meant that continuing in the direction they were headed could turn out very badly.

Because Demyx had been right—he _was_ serious about Roxas. What had started out as him having fun teasing his cute Photography partner had turned into friendship which had turned into the sort of thing people wrote about in those mushy Valentine's Day cards they both hated. Gah, this was turning him into such a sap! What was next, spouting Shakespearean sonnets? Though there were some pretty good ones that weren't too hokey…Nah. Too obvious.

It would almost have been easier if he'd felt less—if it was purely physical. He would have known better what to do then—known what to say, how to say it, what signals to give. As it was, any words that Axel could say seemed too practiced, almost cliché and meaningless; words that didn't have a damn thing to do with the truth. Talking your way into someone's bed was easy; talking your way into their heart was another matter entirely.

Axel scowled at the idea that, for the moment, things would just have to go on as they had been. He and Roxas would hang out, play video games, even study together if they wanted to see each other but were swamped with homework. There would probably be a lot of the last option over the next couple of weeks, what with Roxas getting ready to test for his fifth-degree black belt and Axel working on the school production of _Arsenic and Old Lace_.

xXxXx

Opening night for the show found Axel watching the crowd from the booth so he could see when Roxas came in (damn not being able to find a sound board operator so the job fell to the sound designer i.e. him). Roxas helped by pausing to look up and smile at him—or, more accurately, at the booth's tinted windows—before sitting down. It was almost worth the ribbing he got from the stage manager and light board op about what a cute couple they were even if he was, according to them, a cradle-robber. Axel took the chance to remind the stage manager about her "old man crush" on Sean Connery before leaving them to finish their nightly gossip session.

After the show Axel looked for Roxas in the usual mob that hung around in the lobby. Having no luck, he went down to the green room. Roxas, it turned out, was sitting in one of the overstuffed chairs there and looking at one of the theatre magazines that were always lying around. Axel flopped down into the chair beside him and ruffled his hair. "Hey."

Roxas rolled his eyes, but looked up from the magazine. "Hey. Good show." He smiled.

Axel grinned. "Thanks. Anything in particular?"

Roxas shrugged. "The Teddy Roosevelt guy did a good job." He put the magazine down and stood. "You okay to go?"

Axel nodded. "Just need to hear what Chrys has to say. Want a ride back to your dorm?"

"Actually…" Roxas hesitated, then went on. "Actually, I heard the guys next door talking about having a bunch of people over tonight. Sounds like they might get noisy, so…Think I could crash at your place?"

Axel raised a questioning eyebrow, but Roxas just looked back at him calmly. No hints there as to why he was suggesting something they hadn't done even when they were just friends. Axel shrugged. "Sure. Just give me a minute."

xXxXx

Eventually they made it to Axel's apartment, after talking to Chrys and picking up a few things from Roxas's room. Once settled in they proceeded to take turns kicking each other's ass on Super Smash Brothers. When they got bored of that they found a random channel to use as background noise and alternated between mocking the stupid late night commercials and having a friendly debate as to whether or not any of the movies coming out that summer looked good (the everpresent "plot" vs. "special effects" argument. Axel was still smug about having been able to talk Roxas into watching _Transformers_.).

Axel had been going to get back to the conversation again (after a pause to make fun of Madame Cleo) when Roxas leaned over and kissed him. Axel kissed back, and then simple kissing escalated into making out. Axel started to draw away when he realized his hands were moving below the belt, but Roxas moved with him, maintaining the contact in what Axel took as a signal to keep going. Pretty soon they were stumbling towards the bedroom (okay, so trying to kiss and walk at the same time wasn't the smartest thing to do). Axel barely managed to shut the door before they tumbled onto the bed, Roxas pulling Axel down on top of him.

xXxXx

In Axel's experience, sex with any new partner for the first time was awkward. Even if both had some experience, they were still new to each other, and didn't know exactly what the other liked or wanted. Roxas had no experience, and was obviously nervous—tense, and his hands sort of slid over Axel's body instead of really touching, like he didn't know what to do next. So Axel let his hands act as guides, showing Roxas where and how he liked to be touched.

Pulling away to let Roxas take off his shirt gave Axel a chance for form coherent thought for a moment. He still wasn't sure if this was a good idea or a bad idea, but that fact was starting to matter a lot less with Roxas sitting there half naked and looking at him like that. He leaned forward and kissed Roxas hesitantly, trying to ask permission this way instead of with a voice that was useless. Roxas seemed to understand though, and the force he returned the kiss with implied a yes.

Altogether, though, the situation was too awkward to make the sex great. Not that is was bad—just nothing about it was especially good. They were both being too careful of each other. Still, what made it worth it all to Axel was the look of quiet shock on Roxas's face when Axel straddled him and took him in, and the way Roxas curled up in his arms afterwards.

xXxXx

Axel woke to sunlight streaming through his windows (damn, forgot to close the blinds), Roxas lying beside him, still asleep, and what he assumed to be the sounds of the TV in the next room. Absently he reached out to brush away a few strands of hair that had stuck to Roxas's forehead. Roxas stirred, opened his eyes, smiled sleepily, and leaned up to kiss him. Axel smiled as he kissed back, and thought, that maybe, just maybe, what really mattered wasn't whether or not this whole thing was a good idea or a bad idea, but the fact that Roxas was here with him now


End file.
